Friday, October 24, 2003

The morning breaks, another day begins far from home thousands of miles away from everything I knew before. My mind quickly reviews the events of the past nine months and I realize that I will never be the same. I am sure without a shadow of a doubt that I have changed, now more aware, more insightful, with a new perspective on life.

There is an inner hope for a much-needed change, a desire to have progressed further along life's path of eternal progression. I do not want to return the same person, with the same attitudes, directions and perspectives, holding on to the past; for there were things about that person I want to change.

I want to live more abundantly, more deliberately and more authentically, focusing on what is good about life, with a determination to continue to make a difference anyway I can. I have a strong desire to continue sharing, giving, and contributing in whatever capacity I'm in.

There are fears of falling back into my previous life, settling for something less than what could be. The word "settling" alone conjures up parts of the past that were not fulfilling, not what I could have been, nor what I had dreamed of being. The fear of reliving the past, without change, without the satisfaction of knowing that I am doing what I was meant to do.

I am not saying the past was all bad; it just wasn't all that I wanted it to be. I should have done more, been more, given more, become more and on and on. I should have not settled for anything less than what I knew inside it should be, knowing all along what I wanted but some how stuck in a life pattern far less than what I had hoped for.

There is a way to live my authentic self deliberately with abundance, which is overflowing, far-reaching, impacting, influencing, compelling and most importantly fulfilling. I have discovered that it is possible and there is great joy in knowing what I am capable of becoming if I will but follow the promptings of the spirit who is there to lead each of us along this road of self perfection.

I am not saying that I expect to be perfect in this life for I know that it is not possible, but at least it keeps me focused in a good direction.

With this new perspective also comes a new determination to continue the momentum I have created here, by not allowing mediocrity to creep back into my existence. There are things I will not allow in my life, things I won't accept and things I will refuse to do. For I now know what is possible.

Yesterday was filled with moments of great feeling and emotion, which reconfirms my resolve to continue in this direction. It was a great day. It was one of those days when it was all over that you just want to lay in bed starring up at the ceiling and say wow what a great day.

It started out as most any other day might have, full of appointments but there was one difference, I had an appointment for a dinner engagement. This was not just any old dinner engagement, this was the one I have been dreaming and talking about for many months.

The long awaited meeting with the generals occurred on Tuesday of this week with the now-free generals, at least 6 of them who live in Baghdad. We had been calling for a few days to set up this reunion in order to give some of them their stipend and to receive their resumes for any future positions.

They were originally supposed to be here on Monday but unfortunately, to my dismay, at the appointed time they all went to the wrong gate, at least a different gate then I did. It was a shame but due to that mix up we were not able to meet until Tuesday. You can imagine how disappointed I was, but sure that we could and would meet another day.

It was such a great reunion of good friends, separated by my departure from the POW camp as I moved to Baghdad. It was so strange to see them waiting at the front palace gate in regular civilian clothes, dressed up in their best Sunday wear, so unusual for me, used to their POW jump suites. It seemed like a dream from another life, really not like anything I remembered. They looked good; actually they looked great, dressing up pretty good with clothes that matched even.

We had a great meeting, talking about so many things that have happened since my departure from the camp and their arrival back home. We were reminded of memories from the camp, now able to find humor in many of those experiences. I was so glad to hear that they were still our advocates, hopeful for a bright future with our help.

On Thursday, right on schedule, two of the generals, the air force general and his bud the infantry general, came by to pick us up for our dinner engagement. (Most of the team was busy so it was just Tennis Guy and I). As we had discussed and hoped for many times at the camp, we were having dinner at his house with his family, meeting them for the first time. I was so excited to meet them, to partake of their hospitality and getting to know them.

It was every thing I thought it would be, everything I could of imagined; the food, the family, their house, and their love, it was so fantastic. I really loved every minute of it, truly overjoyed by the opportunity to get to meet them.
I gave his children a couple of stuffed animals, which they just loved, but what he gave me in return was just unbelievable. The two generals gave me their own personal Medals of Honor they had received directly from Saddam, for heroic acts of courage performed during their military career. They gave me the actual medal, with photos of Saddam pinning it on them.

As I read the letter, looked at the pictures and felt the medal, I was so touched by their gesture of appreciation that I felt the tears welling up inside. I had to turn away to hold back my emotions. I knew at that moment that we would be close friends for life, regardless of the distance we might find between us the bond of this friendship is eternal in nature, from God himself, ordained of him and brought about by his infinite wisdom.

The meal was incredible to say the least, the best of everything about Iraqi cuisine, with all the fixins; the bread, the briyani, the dorma, the tabuli, the kabobs, etc (not sure about the spelling on the dishes). Unbelievable. Some of it I wasn't sure what it was but it was so tasty, at least I don't think it was like sheep eyeballs or camel guts or anything like that.

We ate till our stomachs couldn't hold anymore, topped it off with a light dessert of Jell-O and fruit, then some nice chocolates and a few more drinks. They gave us a tour of the house, looked at the oldest kid's room, which even had a computer and a few Terminator and the Matrix posters.

We stayed until in was almost dark, unsure of how safe it would be to drive around at night, so we knew we had to be returning to the green zone. It was a great little jaunt outside the confines of our area.

Oh, by the way, I really enjoyed my little moment of stardom or time in the spotlight a couple of nights ago when Joe Scarburough of MSNBC interviewed me for the show Scarborough Country (I believe in airs tonight). I don't have any idea what kind of a stiff I probably looked like but I felt it went well. I was real careful to follow their instructions not move and keep my eyes focused on the camera. It seemed like that was all I was thinking about, not sure at this point what even came out of my mouth.

The cameramen were set up out side on the balcony of their hotel room, so at least there was a cool breeze blowing and the nightscape behind me. That was really another first for me, pretty cool.

Well I think I will go for a swim now, late at night seems to be the best time.