Wednesday, January 28, 2004

Internet connectivity

As you might have noticed I have been out of touch for about a week, actually the last couple of weeks have been sporadic. I don¡¯t have continual access to the Internet anymore and the connection when I do get on, after waiting in line, is so slow that it takes me forever to do anything. I will eventually get back with all of you who have emailed me, but please be patient and understand what is going on.

Hang in there and hold on to your hat

I would like to ask all of you who have been participating in our ¡°Sharing Joys with Toys¡± Operation Give, to continue on with us as we head into a new phase I am totally dedicated to the cause of bringing hope to the children of Iraq, through toys, school supplies and more. The system is in place, the people are in place, our facility is in place, we have a new address in Salt Lake City, which we will tell you about shortly, and our hearts and minds are where they need to be.

This is just the beginning of where we would like to take this program. We really want all of you to share in our vision and add input into where we take this from here. We would really appreciate your suggestions as we begin the next phase of things to come.

We want to be able to provide you with full accountability of how your donated funds are being spent and where the toys and school supplies are going. We are going to add certain features to our web site that will enable you to provide us with your ideas and also enable us to keep you informed.

The important thing is that the children of Iraq have benefited greatly and will continue to benefit from your generous contributions. You have made so many magical things happen. We love all of you and wish we could speak with each of you individually to convey our sincerest feelings.

Yes, I will be returning home perhaps by the middle of end of March, but I am totally committed to the vision and mission of Operation Give. The toys did make a difference in giving hope to the children, spreading love to them and their families, and winning the hearts and minds of the people.

You have made a huge difference, for which I will never be able to thank you enough.

Change is the only constant

Explosions break up the silence of the evening as I sit alone at the far end of a tent, which I now refer to as my home. With in seconds the sound of sirens blaring can be heard in the distance. A few minutes later jets can be heard overhead further securing the safety of our surroundings. There is not much to fear with no bombs or rockets ever having reached this deep into our base.

 I have arrived at a new camp on the other side of Baghdad, closer to the airport, inside the grounds of one of the other palace, which would be defined now as US territory. I arrived almost one week ago today. Not sure of the reason for the change but ready to take on my new challenge.

What was usually just a split second in time, now this week felt like it drug on forever. I can¡¯t believe it has only been a week. The pace of my daily activity has slowed to almost a halt, now looking forward to meal time just to break up the monotony. This will be an interesting test of my ability to remain flexible and adaptive. I will be here for a week or so, then off for a short stay in Kuwait, just another stepping stone on my journey home.

The rest of my tent buddies won¡¯t be in until later this evening around 10:30, when their shift ends. It seems odd to be in such quite surroundings after having spent the last 6 months working late every night at the CPA Palace with several of my close friends.  I miss the hustle and bustle of the CPA even at night, with so many people still actively pursuing their daily activities.

The winter air is cold our breath forming clouds of smoke as we speak. I feel unprepared for the briskness of the evening with my cold weather gear packed away in one of my three duffle bags. At night, not wanting to pull out my sleeping bag, I wrap my self in a blanket and poncho liner, now resuming my acquaintance with my trusty old cot, after having thought I had graduated from this life style.

It has been a good time for me to reconnect with myself, up until now not having had much time to reflect on the events of this past year. I find the quite time alone somewhat therapeutic, as I sit and contemplate the many life lessons learned from this incredible journey. It has been quite a ride, now nearing its end, but still with several bridges to cross and a few treacherous streams to forge.

I was pulled from my mission with just a few days notice, being forced to unplug and disconnect myself from everything that was going on. Even so, I do feel that it was meant to be, not knowing how I was ever going to stop otherwise. I was forced to just drop it all, leaving things in the capable hands of those left behind. Things will be fine and the work will go on.

With the changing off assignments, I have been forced to determine my new purpose and direction for this phase of my journey. It has been a real test of my abilities to make such an abrupt change, totally knocking my off balance for a couple of days, with so many unknowns, and many more things left hanging. It has taken me a few days just to put things back into perspective, allowing my natural body and mind equilibrium to adjust to very foreign and unfamiliar circumstances.

I found a great book

In my effort to make sense of things in my ever-changing whirlwind life, I picked up a book by chance that once I read the first page I couldn¡¯t put it down. I read the entire book in a couple of days, now even rereading certain passages to further internalize the key points that struck me so hard.

The book is called, ¡°Bonds that make us Free¡±, written by Terry Warner, and I also read the business version of that book namely ¡°Leadership and Deception¡±.
I can¡¯t fully put to words the impact this book has had on me personally, but let me just say it has been a real eye opener. I am just beginning to understand the degree to which this book is going to change my life.

For the first time in many years I feel totally free, free from so many things that have been weighing me down.  I now know more completely the true meaning of living free to be my authentic self. I now understand what the truth of life is and how I must go forward with this newfound knowledge.  The saying ¡°the truth shall set you free¡±, has taken on a real personal meaning to my inner self.

In the past I have read many self-help books, in an effort to find my path in life and discover who I really am. Although many such books have been instrumental in guiding me along this path I seek, none have encapsulated the essence of what I have been searching for as this one. I need look no further; for I now understand what was missing and what part I played in finding my way.

The light is on and someone is home

It is as if a light has gone on, a new light of knowledge showing me so clearly the steps that lay ahead, the steps I must take, in my quest for self discovery. The surprising thing is I was on the path all the time, only blinded by my own inability to see the truth of things. I was my greatest hindrance preventing me from living more deliberately and more authentically.

I know for many this sounds too deep, vague and philosophical, but for a traveler as I on life¡¯s bumpy path, my inner self screams for the truth of happiness. I am not looking for some magical behavioral modification or special formula that merely requires me to perform some superficial change.

I am searching for the development of my internal belief system that will bring about long term changes in my being, so that my behavior stems from beliefs naturally centered and grounded around internal principles where happiness can always be found.

I now believe that it is possible to live deliberately and authentically and abundantly in every situation and every circumstance, centered on love and happiness. Knowing this does not mean that it will happen over night, but at least I know where to start and what will be required of me to bring it about. I now believe I have discovered the answers to my questions.

Will I be able to do it, following what I know to be true and acting accordingly, bringing about a long-term permanent change? The real test of life seems to be will we live up to God¡¯s expectations or hopes, learning what he would have us learn, doing what he would have us do, assisting and helping him where he would have us help. He leads us down the path hoping that we will notice the signs, see the arrows, find the breadcrumbs, open the doors, make the adjustments and learn with every step as the way opens up before us.

Through my own sad experience if there be a reason for not picking the fruit along the path it would be of my own doing.

I know for a surety the reason for this stopping point where I find myself at this time and place. This was the natural next step in preparation for me to return home. I don¡¯t have all the answers but at least I know they are out there if I but look. My weaknesses being my only stumbling blocks along the way, but at least I have something to work on. This is so exciting and I just can¡¯t say enough.

Totally awesome people

I have been amazed at some of the people I have had the good fortune of meeting along this journey. I sat down the other day to list some of the great traits and characteristics of these people that have astounded me. I continue to be awestruck the more I interact with them. I am continually amazed at their intuitiveness and instinctive behavior, as they seem to read my mind and know what I am feeling. Without even one word being spoken they understood why I was here, what I was doing and what I have discovered, as if they are sentinels along my path to confirm the correctness of my journey.  Amazing!

My Dad

I am greatly worried about my Father and his health, as he struggles with colon cancer in its advanced stages. So far he is doing ok but not sure if he is going to hold up until I can get home. He is at a nursing home where they are taking care of his every need, but he still thinks he will be going home soon. At least he is able to maintain his sense of humor so far, as he continues to joke with everyone around him. He has a great personality one all enjoy and love to be around.

He is at peace with his situation now the last remaining soul from his immediate family, the others having gone on long ago. I never met my grandmother or grandfather, they having passed away before I was born. I did know his 3 sisters who I loved dearly. Rosie was the last to pass along several years ago, but she was in great health right up till the end.

My dad has been a great influence for good in my life, affecting and influencing me in several ways, which I am sure he isn¡¯t even aware. I will always look up to him with a great deal of respect and admiration.

Thanks Dad.

Thanks to all of you who have supported me for the past year. I can never repay you for your continual acts of kindness and generosity. You have been a true example for all the follow in your continual efforts to support the men and women of the US military. We love you all.

Chief Wiggles