Sunday, September 07, 2003

I would like to thank all of you who have responded to my request for prayers and letters for the Generals incarcerated at a camp in southern Iraq. They have been there since the first day of the war now well over 5 months. I recently spoke with the leader of the generals, informing me that they are very tired from this terrible ordeal and we are losing their support, being discouraged by the way they have been treated after following our advice to lay down their weapons and surrender.

In their minds they would have been better off had they just ran to their homes like the other 9,000 plus brigadier generals in the Iraqi military. They regret having trusted us enough to turn over their bases, their ships and aircraft, and their men, in hopes that we would reward them for doing so. They just want to see their families and do their part in reconstructing their country.

The meeting was held on Friday, the general's issue was discussed and it was turned over to his staff for a decision. At this point we just need everyone that can to write the Secretary of Defense's staff, requesting this issue be resolved, especially now that they have a job waiting for them the minute they are released.

You might be wondering why I care so much about these men. If you have been reading all of my journal entries you probably have a better understanding of this but let me say a few things to clear the water.

Prior to coming to the palace a month or so ago, I lived at the EPW camp in southern Iraqi with these men for about 3 months, interacting with them on a daily basis. I spoke with them day in and day out, sitting with them in their tents, eating their food, talking with them in groups and one on one, meeting their families, and seeing them in their highest and lowest moments. I have personally questioned each and every one of them extensively.

For the most part these men have been waiting for our arrival since 1991, hoping we would come to release them from the chains of Saddam Hussein. Yes they are career military men but not hand picked by Saddam, but just a handful  of some 10,000 Brigadier Generals who just happened to chose the military as their livelihood, over the years having moved up the ranks like anyone else. Many of these men had been retired, only to find themselves activated before the war. Many were in the Navy and Air Force, not highly regarded or trusted by Saddam. Many were sent to the southern part of Iraq to serve out the remainder of their terms, having fallen out of favor or by choosing not to participate with the doings of their leader. None of these men were serving in the Republican Guards or the Special Republican Guards, where allegiance to Saddam is required.

As some might suggest this is not a case of the "Stockholm Syndrome", where the captor begins to like or side with his prisoner.  This is a matter of knowing deep in my heart that these men, for the most part, are good – honorable – upstanding- men, desiring to do what is right for their country, having understood the freedom we were bringing them. These are highly educated men, with special skills and abilities, prime candidates for positions in the new government and the new military. Men that I have grown to respect and admire, hoping that they would be allowed to participate in this reconstructing process.

Hope that helps in understanding my obsession for their release.

It is now Sunday night, the day finally coming to a close. The steady flow of sources, phone calls, and messages has now been turned off for another day. Except for one last message regarding a debriefing we have yet to do tonight at 1830, a special request from a general, unfortunately we obligingly said yes to.

My head is stuffed up from a head cold, feeling like it is going to burst at any moment. My nose has been flowing all day as if connected to some secret water source somewhere in my head, I guess usually damned up at any other time. I had to leave the room several times during a debriefing to keep up with the steady stream.

The howling wind outside has stirred up a cloud of dust covering my view of the city beyond the trees of our palace. Since yesterday there have been Apache helicopters circling the building, indicating the presence of important visitors at the palace. Perhaps their chopper blades have upset the wind gods, who now, in some type of a competitive battle, are attempting to prove nature is still mightier.

Wind, in this part of the country, at least around the palace, has not been a frequent visitor. It has been a rare occurrence for me to see the trees outside my window swaying back and forth, usually quite still, as if scared to move, not realizing that the master of all, Saddam, has left the building. Of course the watchful eye of his four head sculptures remains to govern his palace grounds.

I drove out to the gate earlier today to welcome a source only to be turned away by an angry crowd of demonstrators, hoping to get their government jobs back, having been displaced by the change of rulers. There was quite an impressive show of USA force, as the tank had moved forward into position, usually hidden in the back behind a tree, the soldiers standing shoulder to shoulder with weapons grasped tightly against their chests.

I felt comforted by their presence, feeling safe enough to walk around looking for my source, who obviously had split due to all the commotion. I hung around anyway just to get an idea about the demands of the demonstrators, who were getting rather noisy with their chanting.

I ran out for a moment to get a bite of dinner, realizing that I better eat before our source shows up in about 30 minutes. I finished with the source, now ready to continue with my journal entry for the day. I have had a hard time getting to my journal with the hectic nature of our schedule. Most nights after working all day, I try to check my email and then crash on my bed for the night, especially now that I have a cold.

We are starting to feel buried by the constant barrage of sources with good information, leaving us very little time to write up the reports, so that the information may get disseminated. We are thinking of keeping a whole week free of appointments thus freeing us up to get our reports out. 

Yesterday at dusk Chief Authentico and I escaped in our vehicle to explore a few buildings in our green zone, vacated by the war. We went into a couple of what seemed to be schools at one time, but not sure if they had been used as such even before the war. There were no supplies, tables, chairs, or any indication that students once attended or even used these buildings. There were bullet marks on the walls and bomb craters as if a gun fight had occurred with the inhabitants. We didn't disturb anything, leaving everything in its place, only there to try to figure out what had happened.

It was fun to just cruse around in our vehicle, looking at different things, wondering what this place must have been like at one time. We both commented on what was sure to become of this green zone, a small city with in a city, inhabited by coalition personnel, with all the comforts of America. You couldn't pick a more prime piece of real estate in the center of this city. It was indeed the best place to run the government of this country, secured by high walls, open areas, lack of much housing, and controlled by military police.

We have had a week of non-stop appointments with all types of people from all walks of life, regarding all types of weapons, counterfeiting, and activities of all the pro-Saddam groups, assassination attempts, attacks and bombings, and on and on. There is no end to the activities that we are gathering intelligence on, being overwhelmed at times with the sheer number of reports.

Amidst all of this turmoil and all the changes that are swirling around us, both good and bad, it is fortunate that two things remain constant in my life. The first constant is my testimony of our Savior Jesus Christ, of his purpose and mission on my behalf, to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of mankind and to pay the price for all our sins through his atonement. It is fortunate that even amidst the chaos of this land, I am able to retain in my heart the full personal meaning of the atonement of Jesus Christ.

The testimony of this sustains me through thick and thin. It continues to give me great hope for this land and its people, in being a tool in the Lord's hand to spread his spirit. It motivates and drives me to share the knowledge of his atonement with people around me that are looking for something more in their life.

I ponder my own existence knowing that I falter and make mistakes, falling short of my calling in being his instrument, a tool in the master's hand. But, I also know there is forgiveness through his atonement, which continues to give me another chance to rise up once more in my continual struggle for personal perfection.

The other constant is my firm belief concerning my purpose for being here in Iraq. I am here for a reason. There is a divine plan of which I am a part of, which is unfolding before my eyes. I have seen many marvelous and wonderful things occur during the last 7 months of my life here in this country. I am awe struck by the miracles happenings around me on a daily basis, further confirming my testimony of the divine nature of this work. I am so grateful to be a part of this history making endeavor.

This is a land of diverse beliefs running the full gamut of possibilities, from one extreme to another, from unimaginable to the unthinkable. There is a certain degree of fatalistic, predestined and predetermined belief that is displayed in their attitudes about everyday life. If God wants it to be so, it will be, everything hanging on God, as if the individual has no part in the direction of his life. As one man expressed, "it doesn't matter if I smoke", he said, "It is already determined when I am going to die. I have nothing to do with it".

But I make every effort to be tolerant and understanding. I know there is one attribute that will sustain me here which is empathy. As in most things in life it is our ability to understand another's point of view, to be able to put ourselves in their shoes, which will help us cope with the diversity that life dishes out. Empathy is essential for success in this land and in all things, whether dealing with our personal relationships or international obstacles.

Without empathy we have nothing. For without it we are locked in perhaps our own misconceived views of the way things are or the way things should be. Without it we are inflexible in dealing with others; their cultures, their beliefs, their perceptions, and all things then become stumbling blocks.

It  is the very inability to have empathy that creates distrust, hatred, misconceptions, and much unhappiness in our relationships, as we continue to hold fast to our own beliefs of reality. Too often we become fixed and set in our own beliefs feeling that truth is as we see it through our glasses of perspective. We continue to believe that our thoughts are real, not allowing there to be another set of glasses viewing it entirely different.

It is only when we are willing to accept the fact that there might be another set of glasses and are willing to try them on, that we begin to see the full spectrum of what life is. It is when we have empathy that we begin to see how very diverse the variables of life are, seeing that any different combination might result in a different way of viewing something.

Once we make this discovery or realization, we are then open to view life as something not set in concrete but a continuum of life altering variables impacting our very thought process and inner belief systems. Accepting the fact that there is always another way of looking at something, thus creating paradigm shifts in our own thought process.

Empathy makes it possible for us to accept another reaction, another behavior, another response, another feeling, another thought, and so on and so forth. We become open and willing to deal with the multiplicity of life, in all of its complicated messiness, for life is messy.

I believe this is a gift of God, as we endeavor to become more like him, we begin to see things from his perspective, from a perspective of love and understanding. We then can also accept the fact that we do not have the only view, we are not the only ones that understand, we don't know it all and don't see it all from where we are at. We then begin to acknowledge the differences and complexities of life in all that we do, in our relationships, our interpersonal interactions, our international encounters, etc.

I do believe that many problems in life are caused because we lack or are incapable of having empathy from one human to another, at times because we don't really care or we are self centered only concerned about our own needs, or we just aren't able to see it.

This is much to think about.

Good night. Pray for all of us here. We need it.
Write Donald Rumsfeld too about the generals getting released. Thanks!!!!!